Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Get over it, already

I am tired of worrying about my weight.

I lost about thirty pounds a year ago, apparently by switching from no exercise at all to several hours a week. The weight loss has since plateaued, and I've been waiting since for the rest of the weight to drop off. It's not happening.

I'm tired of caring. I have too many other things to do with my brain right now. I have a full-time job, the GRE to study for, dance classes to go to, and friends to have a good time with. I have books to read and languages to learn. I have new music I should really be listening to, and a stack of it to play, so why am I so worried about the way my belly looks in profile?

I've also been using weight as an excuse to avoid dating: "If I go out now, I won't attract the kind of person I want to attract, because I don't look the way I want to look." I've always thought that if I got myself looking, acting, and being exactly the way I wanted to look, act, and be, then my perfect mate would come zooming down the line immediately, attracted by my own perfection. It finally occurred to me the other day that I don't want to attract the kind of person who will only want me if I look just-so. I don't expect my partners to be ideal, physically or otherwise, and I certainly wouldn't like the kind of person who would expect it of me.

I'm going to try to eat healthily and do the things I want and need to do, without worrying about the numbers so much for a while.

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